A Motherless Mother's Day

This will be the first Mother’s Day that I will celebrate without my mother. My first Mother’s Day in 2008, was her last Mother’s Day. I wish someone had told me that I would have to learn to be a mother…. without a mother.

So many questions. So few answers. Sleepless nights. Wondering what my mom would do or say in this situation. Wishing that my mom had a chance to meet my daughter. Sad that my daughter will never know my mom. Hoping that I can be as great of a mom as mine was. Praying that I don’t make the same mistakes mine did.

Contemplating my every mommy move. Thinking would my mom approve. Crying out of loneliness. Rejoicing that she is in a better place. Wanting the courage to give her belongings away. Putting it off until another day. Hoping that I made her proud. Singing Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child. Counting the days since she’s been gone. Though it’s been nearly ten months, it doesn’t seem that long.
Asking myself why me, I needed my mother Lord how could you let this be?

Yet in all my questions, in all my emotions, I stand strong knowing that my mom was ready to move on. Though I wanted her to stay, she had to go. So, I let her. I let her go physically, but I will never let her go in my heart. I will cherish the memories and the moments that she and I shared for 33 years. I will hold onto them. I will relive them. I relish in them. This is all I have left. THEY are enough to get me through today and hopefully tomorrow.

Though I will not be able to look at her face to face and tell her how much I love her, I have a feeling that even now, she knew and she knows. In this, I can find some level of happiness and joy!

So, Happy Mother’s Day Momma, I love you!

...And that's All I CAN say

Jobless But Not Hopeless

So.... I was asked to speak at a job fair on yesterday. I was there to give job seekers some words of hope & inspiration as they wade through the daunting employment process. The title of my presentation was, Jobless But Not Hopeless.

I had never spoken at a job fair, but I must admit it was a very rewarding experience! I talked to so many people who "all of a sudden" found themselves without a job. (Many after years of service.) As a result they found themselves back out on the job market.

We all hear that the unemployment rate is 8.5 and rising, but when you see the faces of those affected by it and hear their stories, it really hits home. Those numbers turn into actual people. People like you and me who have families. They are mothers, fathers, and grandparents trying to provide food, clothes & shelter to their little ones.
I left there feeling very grateful with a better appreciation for my own life and life circumstances. Honestly, I felt like I really had no right to complain about anything.

True, it is human nature to complain about our lives, the things that we don't have, the cards we have been dealt, and the way we have played our cards. (I am guilty of this on some days). But when we really stop to think about it, we should dare not complain. In reality when we look around, things could truly be worse. And there is always someone who would trade places with you in a heartbeat.

So, regardless of your life situation, count your blessings, be thankful, and know that things could be worse and that soon they WILL get better.

Finally, to those of you job hunting keep a positive perspective and don't give up. You may be jobless but I challenge you not to find yourself hopeless.

And That's All I have To Say...

Where Are All The Good Men!

I've been watching Steve Harvey make the rounds on day time TV, promoting his book Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man. The book tackles issues related to women, men, & relationships.
In each of his interviews, one question seemed to continually surface. That question... Where are all the good men? Honestly, I did not know that women were still trying to answer this age-old question. Really, I didn’t!

Now, I am no Steve Harvey but I do have a good…NO…A GREAT MAN. So, do you mind if I share what worked for me? Well, even if you do mind, I’m going to tell you anyway so keep reading.

Here's my two cents on "finding a good man." Like it, love it, or leave it!

1. First, you don’t go looking for a good man. You become a good woman and a good man will find you. The man that finds a wife finds a good thing.
   
2. Like attracts like. If you can’t find a good man, ask yourself what kind of woman am I and what can I do to be better. Not for a man, but for myself.
   
3. If you act like you don’t need a man, guess what….you won’t attract one.
   
4. If you aren’t running into "good men" then check your surroundings. What places are you frequenting in "search" of this good man?
   
5. If you spend every free moment with your girls, "they" become your good man. Get out and do something for yourself and by yourself.
   
6. Don’t measure your stock as a women by how good you look, what you have, how educated you are, or what you do. There are a lot of "average" women who have the good man you are looking to find. They got them not by the things I mentioned, they attracted them by being loving, considerate, humble, giving, respectful, confidant…get my drift.
   
7. Your good man may already be in your presence. Often times we overlook "good men" because they don’t meet certain requirements on our 12-page list. You’re not perfect so don’t expect your mate to be either.
   
8. Speaking of that 12-page list. To acquire a good man you may need to get realistic about what is important to you in "a good man." When you were 21 wanting a man that had nice hair or pretty teeth may have been cute. Now you need to really look at what is important to you. I am not asking you to settle, I am merely suggesting that you grow up a little. If his teeth are not perfect, try cosmetic surgery.
   
9. If you want a good man, get rid of the bad ones in your life. Many times we settle for average and "no good men" in hopes that a good one will come and sweep us off our feet. I don’t think so. In order to acquire a good man, he needs to find you single and available. Don’t hold on to a deadbeat thinking Prince Charming is going to come and save you. He’s not!
   
10. Finally, if you want a good man stop the game playing. It’s time to get real and be up front about your expectations in a relationship. When we pretend that we are just looking for a booty buddy, that is what we get. Know what you want from a relationship and don’t be afraid to put it on the table. A real man will respect you for that. If he is not on the same page, that is cool. Don’t waste your time. Bounce!
    

Happy March Fourth Day!

Today is March 4th. It is the only day of the year that is a command. The only day that is a call to action. That calling is to MARCH FORTH! When I think about marching forth I think about the goals and aspirations that I have in life. I think about my family, my husband and my daughter. I am reminded of the life that is ahead of me. I anticipate the joy, happiness, and success that are to come.

I think less about the mistakes that I have made in my past and more about the victories that are ahead of me. That is, IF I DON’T QUIT. If….I March Forth!

I’ve always believed that the past should be a place of reference not of residence. We should use our past to help us to March Forth not to stifle us from our future. Yet many times, we are so stagnated by those things that happened yesterday that we can’t even garner the strength to march forth into today ...or the next day for that matter. How do I know? Because I’ve been there.
Still, I am happy to say that every year on this day I remind myself that there is so much more out there for me... if I persevere.

Today, on March 4th, I encourage you to march forth to pursue your life long dreams, goals, and destiny. For some of us things may look bleak, but when you decide to act despite your situation, you acknowledge that you have the power to change your circumstances.

Today, I am marching forth toward all the great things that are ahead of me. I am deciding not to quit! What is it that you need to decide NOT to give up on today? What dream, project, or goal do you need to persevere toward today? Whatever it is, I encourage you to put on your marching boots and join me.

Happy March Fourth Day!

Put On Your Big Girl Pants!

Put Your Big Girl Pants On! It’s a saying that I’ve heard repeatedly. The adage tells women to shed the little girl mindset, thinking, and attitude and embrace the adult woman in them.

I’ve heard it used to edify a woman. I’ve heard it used to tear down a woman. I’d like to think that I am always wearing my big girl pants, or skirt if you will. But the truth is…I’m not. There are days when I don’t want to be a big girl. I don’t want to do the things on my ‘to do list.” I don’t want to deal with certain issues or problems in my daily life. I don’t want to deal with certain people, places, and things. I just don’t want to be a big girl.

Yesterday however, was not one of those days. I did not realize it until this morning when I was putting on my big girl make-up. As I looked in the mirror, I knew that yesterday I behaved like a big girl!

Yesterday, I was faced with a situation where I had to assess my professional worth and decide whether to accept a contract that was being offered to me for minimal pay. After pondering it for a day or two, I decided that I was going to turn down the offer. In the past, I would have NEVER EVER done this. If someone was offering, I needed to be accepting right? WRONG!

After assessing the entire situation, I realized that while it would be great for the company, it was just not a good fit for me. I put on my big girl pants and made a decision that was based on the best outcome for me, and not the company. In doing this, I was unafraid to let the little fish go by in order to catch the big fish later.

This is just my experience with putting on my girl pants, but I am sure that you have your own. When you tackle life’s tough issues or when you stand up for what is best for you, you are putting on your big girl pants. Maybe there is a situation that you have been avoiding or dread facing. Perhaps there is a person, place, or thing that you need to face to move forward or gain closure. Whatever your situation is, I dare you to quail the little girl inside, step one foot after another, and slide into your big girl pants. I did.

And that’s all I have to say….

Pause, Ponder, & Pray

Sometimes when faced with making major decisions we find that answers are hard to come by. The truth is, most of us have “trouble” making major life decisions and sticking to them. Our hesitation and apprehension may come from the fear of making the wrong decision. It may come from the fear of making the right decision. Or it could merely come from making ANY decision at all.

Some of us jump in headfirst and later decide that we should have taken more time in our decision making process. Others suffer from indecision and become paralyzed by an ability to do anything at all. Then, there are those who tackle decision making with skill and tact.

I have been on all sides of this triangle. Depending on the situation, I have acted or reacted with one of these three responses. On some occasions, I seek the advice of an objective party who can help me to take a different look at the outcomes that may arise from my final decision. This sometimes helps me to find an answer that makes me feel confident and comfortable. Still, there are times when even the help of an objective party is not enough to give me that peace that I am making the “right decision.”

Recently, I was faced with making a major career decision. In doing so, I pondered various outcomes but still was unable to feel that peace about either decision I was planning to make. Finally, I decided that if I wanted “peace” with the outcome I had to make the decision “peacefully.” I decided to apply a technique that I want to invite you to try when you too are faced with making tough decisions in your own life.

Pause, Ponder & Pray. It’s a simple yet effective way to find peace in the decisions you make for your life.

Pause-Just stop. Many times, we make bad decisions because we rush into them. Don’t feel rushed to decide right away. Give yourself some time to come up with an answer.

Ponder-Take some time to look at the various outcomes. Right down the pros and cons of each. Think about how you would feel with each decision made. Spend some quality time weighing your options without over thinking the whole thing.

Pray-Take time to consult the author and finisher of your life. God knows you better than you know yourself. He knows the answer without the question. Spend some time with God and ask Him what direction you should take.

Whatever you decide, these steps can lead you to a decision that brings you PEACE. If it does not feel right and you do not have peace with it, it is not the best decision.

Making life-altering decisions is never easy, but with a little help you can do it and feel good about yourself and your decision. What decision have you been putting off making? Is it taking that new job or going back to school? Maybe you are trying to decide whether or not to have another child. Whatever it is, know that indecision is never the answer.

And that’s all I have to say….

I'm Grateful

My birthday was a few days ago. As I do every year on my birthday I became very nostalgic about the last year of my life. What I came up with was the opening line from Charles Dickens's, A Tale Of Two Cities: "It was the best of times; it was the worst of times." I have never understood this line the way I do now.

After a year when I lost my mother and also celebrated the birth of my daughter. I can truly say, it was one of the best and worst years of my life.
Having a loving daughter and learning, laughing, and growing with her was the pinnacle of most of my days. She is such a joy to be around. Watching her grow showed me that children are a miracle. It seems like I just brought her home and she is already talking and trying to walk.

On the other hand, as I was learning to be a mother, I lost my mother. This was a serious blow to me. I never thought that my daughter would grow up without her grandmother. Nor did I imagine a life where my mother would not be here to guide me. Yet, I am faced with both of these realities.

As I reflected on both of these major life events, there were only two words that I could say. "I’m grateful." I am grateful for the gift of life. The life of my daughter and the life of my mother. I am grateful that my mom is in a better place. I am grateful that she is no longer suffering. Grateful, for the time I had with her and the things she put in me. I am grateful for my own life; grateful that God allowed me to see another year. Yes, even though last year was trying, I am yet grateful. And I believe that the best is yet to come! What is it that you believe about the life that is ahead of you?

Despite what kind of day, month, or year you’ve had. When you really think about it you too have something to be grateful for and about. If nothing, be grateful that you have the mind and eyes to see and comprehend this blog. Many people don’t. You have life, so you have something to be grateful about.

When your life seems to be filled with the best and the worst of the times, remember that it only gets better from here. Regardless of how you feel, open up your mouth and say these two words, "I’m Grateful." And that's all I have to say...